2024: The Year of Endings, Ego Death, and Pivoting My Life Path at 39

Some years really push you to your limits, almost to your breaking point, to test you and see what you’re really made of—that year was 2024 for me.

At 39, I found myself at a crossroads. After years of living in “hermit mode”—pouring myself into inner work, healing, and self-discovery—I still felt lost. I’d done the journaling, the meditations, the deep dives into myself, yet I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was floating aimlessly through life like a balloon with no place to land.

Then, as if the universe said, “Okay, it’s time,” everything shifted.

2024 wasn’t just about the external challenges—it was the year of the ultimate internal reckoning. Through transformative plant medicine experiences, heartbreaks that felt like gut punches, and even surviving natural disasters, this year stripped me bare and showed me who I really am.

Now, as I approach 40, I’m stepping into this new chapter with clarity, excitement, and purpose. Here’s how this whirlwind of a year unfolded—and the lessons I’m carrying forward.

A Wake-Up Call From the Universe

My journey into the deepest corners of myself began with a serendipitous meeting. I

crossed paths with Kasia, a plant medicine healer visiting Toronto, and she introduced me to two transformative rituals: Kambo and Bufo Alvarius (known as “the toad”).

Kambo is raw, intense, and not for the faint of heart. There’s purging—physical and emotional. But I knew I needed it. It felt like shedding a heavy, old skin I’d been dragging around for years.

Two weeks later, I experienced Bufo. Let me tell you, nothing prepares you for it. For 20 surreal minutes, I felt the entire universe coursing through me. Time dissolved, colors danced, and truths I’d been avoiding came rushing in like a tidal wave.

When I came back to myself, one thing was crystal clear: I’d been settling. Settling for half-hearted relationships, for work that didn’t light me up, and for a version of myself that played small. These experiences didn’t just wake me up—they were the catalyst for me to start walking a new path.

Endings That Made Space for Beginnings

One of the hardest moments came when my best friend of over a decade sent a message that left me utterly dumbfounded. Her words came out of nowhere, questioning my character and bringing up past choices I thought we’d long moved past. She said she needed “space” and left no room for a conversation or reconciliation.

At first, it was devastating. I thought we were inseparable, like Thelma and Louise. She knew all my skeletons, and I knew hers. So to have our friendship end this way felt like a silent F you. But as I sat with the emotions—confusion, sadness, and disbelief—I began to see it as a blessing in disguise.

Our paths had been quietly diverging for some time, and this moment was the natural conclusion of a friendship that had served its purpose. I’m deeply grateful for the years we shared and the lessons it brought me, but not all relationships are meant to last forever. Some come into our lives for a season or a reason, and their endings, while bittersweet, create space for new beginnings.

The same realization applied to my romantic life. I’d been in an on-again, off-again situationship that wasn’t aligned with the kind of love I deserve. Walking away wasn’t easy, but it was another act of self-respect and another step toward creating space for relationships rooted in authenticity, mutual respect, and alignment.

A Life-Changing Trip Amid Chaos

In September, I visited my mom in Poland, where she had recently moved back to her hometown. She’s always been my anchor, and being with her felt grounding.

But just days after I arrived, a massive flood swept through Central Europe. We were forced to evacuate her apartment and live in survival mode as her small town worked tirelessly to hold back the rising water.

Watching my mom lose her rental apartment during the flooding wasn’t heartbreaking in the way you might think—it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. This year, I introduced her to shadow work, and she’s been uncovering her own blind spots, especially when it comes to personal relationships. She’s started standing firmly in her self-worth, setting boundaries, and saying no to anything that doesn’t align with her values.

The universe works in mysterious ways. You’d think a natural disaster was just that—a disaster—but in her case, it was the universe quite literally and figuratively clearing space in her life for something better. She just bought her first apartment—a space that’s entirely hers. It’s a blank slate where she can start fresh, build her nest, and create a home that reflects exactly what she wants. Watching her step into her power and rewrite her story has been one of the most inspiring parts of this year, and I couldn’t be prouder of her.

The Biggest Lessons From 2024

This year pushed me to my limits, but it also gave me clarity, purpose, and the courage to rebuild. Here are the truths I’m taking with me:

• Trust the Process: Even when everything feels like it’s falling apart, there’s a reason. Every ending is a doorway to a new beginning.

  
  

• Listen to Your Gut: My intuition has always been my compass, and this year, it became my North Star. When something feels right, lean into it. When it doesn’t, walk away.

  
  

• Make Space for Growth: Letting go is hard, but it’s essential. Whether it’s a relationship, a job, or an outdated version of yourself, releasing what no longer serves you makes room for the magic waiting to come in.

  
  

Stepping Into 40 With Purpose

As I reflect on 2024, I see it as a year of profound endings—but also a year of even greater beginnings. It taught me that the breakdowns often hold the keys to the breakthroughs we’ve been searching for.

At 40, I feel more aligned than ever. I’ve shed old layers, faced my shadows, and stepped into a version of myself that feels bold, clear, and magnetic.

If this year has taught me anything, it’s this: The path forward might not always be clear, but trust me—it’s there. Clarity comes when you’re willing to get honest with yourself, dig deep, and let go of what’s holding you back.

To anyone feeling stuck, lost, or unsure of your next step—keep going. The breakthroughs are on the other side of the breakdowns.

Here’s to 2025 and all the magic it holds.